I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
