You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
