Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
