that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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