; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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