Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
