Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
