In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
