Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
