when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
