Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
