everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize