i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
