Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
