You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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