Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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