Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't want my vagina anymore.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
