Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think my moral compass just broke
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
