$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
