I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
