My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
