Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
