mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish you could order shots online.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
