1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
