just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
