I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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