i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
