Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
