If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
