Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
