I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
