Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
