i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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