I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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