I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
