oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
