well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
