if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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