Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
