We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize