I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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