i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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