im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
