My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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