Farmville is her only friend.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize