You really coming over, don't trick.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
