Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
should my penis look like a turkey
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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