You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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