Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize