I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize