just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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