He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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