Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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