Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
