Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
