Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize