I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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