You really coming over, don't trick.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
