Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
