I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
