Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
