there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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