the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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