Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
